More Alike

June 4

Another long day tripping all over myself to fight the boredom eating through my head like acid through paper. I might actually be going crazy without Jo here. Rachel is just no substitute; she’s never around, and when she bothers to show up, I swear she is so preoccupied by whatever is going on in that house over there that she can’t hold a conversation with a basket. I get the “uh huh,” “oh yeah,” “I know what you mean” treatment until even I don’t give a shit about whatever I’m talking about.  Plus no matter how much I lead her to the water, hoping she’ll spill a little of what the twins are all about, she keeps it all hush hush, giving me squat.  I guess I’m going to have to figure these two out all by myself like I did with Finn.  He was too easy, though. All I had to do was show up, and he was interested. Maybe just being his shrink’s kid made me all kinds of risky, and a guy like that is all about risk.  The motorcycle is a dead giveaway for an adrenaline junkie like Finn.  Maybe I’m all about the risk too.  Maybe chasing Finn was easy because of the danger to me too.  Interesting thought. Maybe Finn and I are more alike than I’d like to believe.  I’ll reserve judgment on that until I get a little further down that road, and make no mistake, that is a road I plan on following . . . maybe all the way into the sunset someday.


June 2

This morning I woke up with the sun. Not really my normal MO by any means. At first I was annoyed like someone had reached into my head and shook me awake, but my efforts to push the presence away were completely pointless. The harder I tried to ignore it, the stronger it grew until I found myself sitting up and scanning the half-light of room for the offending presence. I am not ashamed to admit my first conscious thought upon sitting up was ghost. I even fired up my ghost finder app, half seriously. The thought having my rest disturbed by the semi-dead was disturbing enough, but there’s more. I remember scanning the room with my phone and then suddenly I was looking out the window. I have no memory of getting out of bed or walking across the room or making a decision to open the curtains. The very next moment I am aware of, I’m looking out the window at a boy who’s swimming in the Paige’s pool.  I suppose that I must have heard the splashing and that was what drew me to the window, but I don’t remember that part at all. One second in bed-boom-the next looking out the window, like some funky digital glitch. Tomorrow some dude with a rabbit tattoo is going to knock on my door and offer me the blue pill or the red pill. I am sure of it.  As for today, I got on purpose to view that early morning swim boy.  There is something so compelling about him. Oh yeah, he’s all kinds of hotness, but that’s not really what I mean. It’s more like I know him, really know him deep inside like a from a past life or something. Whatever it is, I am hooked. I need to figure out how to meet this boy twin who I am not allowed to know. Ethan Paige, just you wait!

Another home

June 1

Another shift in time and place, another new place I’ll learn to call home only to leave again when Rachel is either successful in “saving” the hopeless souls she treats or all hope is finally lost.  I wonder sometimes what it would be like to have a house with an attic filled with junk from generations of people who were related and lived in the structure. I can imagine finding myself in the ancient belongings of my ancestors. Like a faded photograph of crazy spinster aunt who I favor eerily and who travelled to Europe at the turn of the century to find a lover lost at war only to return empty handed, broken hearted, and half out of her mind and or something. My history is never longer the last school I attended and I will never hear anyone but my mom say, “remember that super cute thing you did when you were a child.” I probably wasn’t all that cute anyway, but the point is: can a person with no past, have any kind of future? Or does my lack of a past mean that my future will be that much richer? Without the heavy anchor of history to weigh me down maybe I can rise to places that others who have that security could never reach? I think I’ll hold on to that thought as I schlep the rest of the boxes into our tiny garage apartment.  When I’m done unloading I can start snooping around to see what I can see about the twins my mom is treating here. She’s already over there bonding with them while I do all the work. But I kind of like the feel of this place and I almost hope these twins are on the hopeless side so we can stay longer.  I mean they have a pool! You gotta love that. I wish Jo was here to hang out with me this summer. It’s going to be a long lonely one with her gone in Seattle. There’s always Finn for entertainment and excitement and I must admit he revs my engine, but talk about no future! Crazy game, but I love it. 

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