I’m still not sure what I’m supposed to write about, but it’s 4 am and since I can’t get back to sleep, I might as well try to write about something. Maybe I should just write about why I’m awake in the middle of the night. It started with E and his bad dreams. I think every single thing in my life maybe starts and ends with my brother. That isn’t a complaint, just an observation. In truth if I didn’t have to take care of him, I’m not sure my life would add up to anything at all. Ethan is the one with all the talent and the brains; me . . . I’m nothing special. Well, I do have that one thing I can do that no one else can do, or at least no one I know of. But even when it comes to our gifts, Ethan’s is much more powerful, much more interesting than mine. If he ever gains control over it . . . sky would be the limit for him. Maybe I'm being hard on myself, but I think if Ethan was different, normal, I would just fade away. I think sometimes that I am like a benevolent Eve, created from the rib of my brother to guide him through life and protect him, to sing him to sleep and comfort him when the nightmares come, to be his companion since he has no others. I don't really know what else I would do if I didn't have that, except maybe sing. Yes, I think that's what I would do. I would join the choir at school or at some church, get voice coaching and tryout for American Idol. Imagine that . . . me on American Idol. What would Grandmother say?